I am still not a regular blogger by any means. I apologize for that.
I have "successfully" completed my first semester of teaching. The semester ended with bittersweet feelings. I use the word "successful" lightly for a few reasons. I think part of success for a first year teacher comes from just completing it without a major breakdown. In that case, I am very successful. I also think success can be measured by how much I have learned. I can definitely say I am incredibly successful in that way as well. Every single day I learn something. I learn what works, what doesn't work, how to do things, how to address situations, etc. The list is endless. I also think that success can be measured by how much students have learned. That is the reason I use successful loosely. I do not feel that I have taught my students all that they needed to know, all that I could have, and all that I should have. I don't feel they have progressed any more than they should have, but at the same time, that is what I have reflections for.
I can honestly say that this semester has gone much better, but I feel with more days I get under my belt, that should be expected. We have gone over grammar and are working up to a research paper (and retaking the grad exam for my 11th graders). I feel like they have learned things especially this semester. They tell me often that I am the best English teacher they have had, but I think that comes from being young and funny, not so much from the amount of learning taking place.
The best part of being on the back nine of my first year of teaching is that I can already start reflecting and looking at what I can change for next year! I constantly jot down ideas that will help with classroom management, engagement, and effective teaching. I have done research into teaching practices with positive results and ways to incorporate technology via texting and Edmodo. I am excited about what is to come in my upcoming years of teaching, but I can't forget about finishing up my first year!
Upon completion of my first full semester, I started looking into grad school. Wes and I have always planned to have kids fairly early in our marriage, but the further I get away from the school, the more I want to return for my MA. Wes and I have discussed this at length, and we agreed I should do this ASAP. I started looking into UNA and what they offered. I sought out advice from several people including former professors and mentors. I began looking into Auburn and Alabama for their MA in composition and rhetoric. I even began studying for the GRE! Every step of research I did got me more and more pumped about achieving this dream. I struggled with the decision of which school and the financial part. Wes and I decided that loans would be the only way to pay for it, but I felt that it would be completely worth it. Throughout this time, I prayed that I would end up wherever I needed to be. I started contacting those that could lead me through the process, all the while thinking that one way or another, I would be beginning classes in just a few short months. The replies I received were not what I was hoping for. I have missed Auburn's and Alabama's deadlines for entry into the programs beginning in the fall. I will not be able to start graduate school until Spring of 2014 if I choose to go with those schools. That is heartbreaking.
Then I remember my prayers. I prayed that I would get in touch with the right people. I prayed that I would end up where I needed to be. I prayed for open doors and open arms. I prayed I would feel a peace about it. I then go back and think, "Did I pray about the decisions to go back to school so soon?" "Did I pray about the program I chose?" "Did I even pray for how this aligned with God's plan for my life?" No, I don't recall those prayers. I have the tendency to decide what I want to do, and then pray for God to help from there. I have come to realize that that is not how it works.
Closed doors. That is what I envisioned when I realized the deadlines that have come and gone. I was upset. I was mad even. I have gotten everyone's blessing to go through with this: my husband, my mom, my dad, my family in general. I was willing to put my baby plans on hold until I got to a more stable time, whether I was done with school or not. I realize now, though, that the only person I failed to ask blessing from was God. I am now back on my knees asking for God to reveal to me what I am supposed to be doing. What is in HIS plan so that I can plan accordingly, not the other way around. Suddenly, I am excited about spending a summer planning thoroughly for the upcoming year. I sort of forgot about the benefits of having two months off to make up for all of those planning periods I never had this year. I see that there is something greater in store for me. Graduate school definitely not an endeavor of the past. I feel that it will still happen, but on God's timing, not mine.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plan to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.'" Jeremiah 29:11-13
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