I've got nothin' good for a title.

Although I'm still stressed beyond belief, I'm trying to feel a little bit better about things. I ended up making A's on the only 2 midterms I had, which is great, but I still feel like there's so much more to be done. For example, I am knowingly receiving a zero on something that is due today because in my thinking of taking it one day at a time, I didn't realize how in depth it was going to be and so when I started to do it yesterday, there was absolutely no way I'd be able to complete it because I wasn't looking ahead at it. So "taking it one day at a time" definitely as some downfalls...and I'm trying not to stress over the particular downfall I'm in now.

On a totally separate note, I started my 3rd week of running today, which went extremely well. I'm glad I'm still sticking with it and enjoying it. I actually find myself wanting to run everyday, but I'm just going to stick with the 3 times a week thing. Haha!

Again, on a different note, I'm contemplating deactivating my account on Facebook. I have my reasons for wanting to do so, but would rather not want to discuss them on here. However, if I do, I will still be on here and quite possibly updating even more than I have before.

That's all I have for now. :)

The ship went down in sight of land.

It's been awhile since I've updated. I apologize.

Lately I've been in whirlwind of busyness. I'm living off of Red Bulls and Starbucks Double Shot Espresso energy drinks. I feel like I'm permanently wired. I've also been some major doldrums recently as well. So although my energy is seemingly up, my spirits are not.

School is depressing me. I have no motivation to finish the next year out, much less this semester. I've been going in and out of this all semester, but I'm beginning to feel like I'm not going to recover from it this time. I have the hardest time focusing, studying, and finding the passion for what I'm going to do to even give me the motivation to get through it. 

In trying to get my crap together and try to muster up the motivation to do all of this, I find myself thinking back to the past, dreading getting older, and wishing I could start over so I would appreciate it and savor it more the second time. I feel like everything went way too fast. I used to be so excited to graduate, get married, and move on with my life. Now I'm wishing I was at home, my sister was there, and we were in elementary school again. They weren't the greatest of times all the time, but it was a safe time. I was always sure that my parents were there and were going to take care of me instead of now where I hardly have the time to talk to them, much less make it home to see them. The same thing goes with my sisters. I want to go back to high school when Ashley and I were close and always together. I want to go back to when Jordan was born and make her a promise that I would to spend as much time with her as possible while she grows up, even if that means not going out on a Saturday night with friends.I would also spend more time at my dad's. I would spend as much time as possible with him. Again, I was more concerned with hanging out with friends and my boyfriend at the time. I was too selfish in those years. I didn't appreciate anything or anyone in my life, and now when I'm feeling lonely and homesick, I can't help but think about how I didn't take advantage of it when I had it.  There's too many things I know I'd do differently knowing what I know now.

I thought that if I got all of that out, then I'd be able to focus and get to studying for my midterm tomorrow. In all actuality, I feel worse and just want to go to bed. 

I'm sorry for this depressing post. I don't have really anyone to talk to about this that would understand it, so I thought I'd just throw it all out there so I can let it go. 

On a happier note, I just completed my second week of running. I got too busy and too exhausted to continue when I was posting about them before, but I finally have started again and have done really well sticking with it. I actually love it and feel so good when I get done. I hope to be able to run  a 5K or two by this time next year. I've gotta get some other goals besides school or I'm going to go insane. 

Now back to studying... lucky me. 

I'm so lame.

I've already admitted that this year will be my toughest year in college. I'm taking 15 hours for the first time in quite some time, I've got about 50 observation hours to complete, I'm executive editor of yearbook, and I've also got to work and make money! All of this I've dealt with before, except the executive editor thing. Last year I was an associate editor, but now I'm actually over the whole thing which means I have to plan everything, oversee the whole ordeal, and make sure we have everything we need to do the book (which might sound easy...but no, it's not). My brain is not in the mode I need it to be in to handle all of this. I'm trying to stay on top of things, but it feels like there's so much that needs to be done and I almost don't know where to begin. I've gotta stay on top of it, though. I know I can do it. I've just gotta stay calm and not stress. :)

I need encouraging words!

Day 2 of C25K!

WHOOOO! 

So Wes and I completed day 2. I have to say it was much, much, MUCH harder. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that I didn't drink a lot of water today, I had only eaten once, and we ran around 5:30ish, so it was still daylight and the sun was beatin' down! However, I did finish it, as did Wes (but he got a blister! boo!)! When we got to the fourth run, I was already pretty tired and out of breath, which was a lot different from day 1 when I was doing well until the last two runs. But oh well! What matters is that we completed it and we're looking forward to Thursday!! Hopefully it'll be easier then. I'm cutting soda completely out of my diet. I drank some diet dr. pepper today, so I also put some of the blame on it. :) It's all about water, water, water...and juice! Haha! I'll update Thursdayyyyy!

Oh, and I'm already pretty sore today when I wasn't sore at all from Sunday. Maybe that means I'm gettin' some sexy muscular legs! Haha!

Day 1 of C25K

Wes and I started with week one today! We  ran across Patton Island Bridge (which has a gorgeous view of the river below). The program starts out with you starting out at a brisk walk for 5 minutes, then alternates with 60 seconds of running and 90 of briskly walking. You should that 8 times. I was thinking it would be a piece of cake, and it was...until the last two intervals of running. The last one I really had to push myself, but I completed it! Then we just walked all the way back across. The walk back felt good, too. We kept up a good pace and just kinda took it all in. We discussed it and agreed that it's not too much to burn you out on it, but it is enough to push you and make you sweat. I really enjoyed it! We'll stay with week one until next Sunday. We are going to be running Sundays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays. If I didn't say this in my last post, it's a 9 week program. I think there's a 5k in October, so depending on the date, Wes and I may be able to enter it! I'll update Tuesday with how that day's run went! I'm actually really excited about it!

C25K

I am downloading the podcasts for the Couch to 5k program! I've heard good things about it from some people (some not so good things from other people), but what have I got to lose? I plan to start it tomorrow, and I'll update at least weekly about how it's going. I keep wanting to get in shape, so maybe I found a program that will help that happen. I don't know. I guess we'll see! 

Taking a stand.

Last night I saw something very disturbing and annoying on TV, but I need to do some background on the subject. 

I don't know if you've seen Hairspray, but if you haven't it is a musical about loving who you are and giving the rest of the world the middle finger. It touches on weight issues and race and everything in between. The star of this musical is Nikki Blonksy. She's a bigger girl with a loud voice for bigger women. She now is the star of a show on ABC Family called Huge. It's about overweight teenagers at a "fat camp." 

That pretty much brings me to my main point. 

Last night I was flipping channels and I stopped on what I think was Showtime Tonight. I don't know that for sure, though. Anyway, they were talking about how Nikki Blonsky and the show Huge are promoting obesity and saying it's okay. The woman ranting about this said that being okay with obesity is like being okay with anorexia or bulimia. 

I got really heated really quickly over this.

I am 21 years old, 5 foot 7 inches tall, and 120 pounds. I've never truly struggled with my weight, but I'd be lying if I said I was completely proud of my body. Just like every woman, I've been insecure about my looks and even the way I look in a bathing suit (especially after looking at Victoria's Secret models modeling potential bathing suits as I posted before). I've looked at other girls and wondered why I couldn't look like them. I've attempted to wear cute outfits or fix my hair or makeup in ways that I saw in a magazine or a TV show or wherever. I know I'm not the only one who does this either (although I might be one of the few who is going to admit this). You can tell that by fashion trends or even by going into any high school and looking at all the girls (and even guys). They're all trying to be a clone of someone else. They suppress who they really are to be liked by the rest of the world and to be noticed, to belong. 

This woman is bashing Nikki Blonsky for being proud of who she is and for not starving herself and dieting and trying to lose weight. She says she's sending the wrong message. She says that Blonsky is promoting obesity and telling everyone it's okay to be fat. Blonksy is doing no such thing. What she is saying is that it's okay to love who you are. It's okay not to be a size 2. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being happy with whoever you and whatever you look like. Yet people in our society are saying this woman is wrong for going against the grain and loving who she is! 

WHAT ARE WE DOING?! What kind of society is this? 

The woman was also upset with her ad for Huge: 

She thinks she shouldn't be proud of this picture. That she should be ashamed to being in a bathing suit and on a billboard. 

There are some people that are not meant to be small. They're just not. Does that mean they should spend their entire life striving to be a size 0 or size 2? Absolutely not. Yet what are young people supposed to think growing up seeing these following ads:

We see it all the time. Skinny girls in ads or in the limelight. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing those girls. Hayden Pantierre and those Victoria's Secret models are absolutely beautiful (clearly) but I wonder how hard they have to work to stay that way, and if they're truly happy with that. I am, however, bashing the people who think it's wrong that other people who don't have the bodies above to be happy with themselves. How dare that woman get angry with Blonsky for standing up and saying she's proud to be plus-size and will not strive to be something that may be nearly impossible to achieve. That woman giving Blonsky so much crap says that she's sending the message that being obese is okay (so we're automatically condoning obesity AND anorexia), well I personally think that it's the above ads that are causing eating disorders like anorexia. It's making women and young girls feel they are never good enough. Women are mostly sensitive creatures (if only once a month, ha!) and crap like this can't be fed into a young girl's mind (and surround her constantly) and not produce thoughts that make her feel less beautiful than she truly is. I'm a victim of this, and I'm willing to bet there are countless girls who are, too. 

We also see the media bashing famous women for gaining weight. A recent case of this was against Jessica Simpson. They made fun of pants she wore and commented on how she clearly had gained weight. Shame on you, Jessica. How dare you not be perfect all the time! 

There's a quote in Hairspray from the song "You Can't Stop the Beat" that sums up Blonsky's feelings (although John Travolta, as a woman, sang it), "You can't stop my happiness 'cause I like the way I am. And you just can't stop my fork and knife when I see a Christmas ham. So if you don't like the way I look, well I just don't give a damn!" 

So I say all of that to say this: Thanks to Nikki Blonsky for standing up for yourself and loving who you are. I hope that that message can be spread instead of one that says skinny is the only way to be. I don't think that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I think it's in how you feel about yourself, and if it's not...then it should be because if you love yourself, that's beautiful to me. :) I hope I can learn to model this and hopefully as a teacher (having some influence on young people in the classroom) I can spread this and encourage young women (and even men) to be proud of who they are even if they aren't the picture perfect image of beauty that we are fed everyday. 

Nook or book?

I'm really not that into technology. Most people who know me know that I would much rather leave things the way they are. I don't like phones with everything in it. I like to have my ipod, my camera, and my phone separately. BUT! I've recently started looking at Barnes and Noble's eReader, The Nook. I've researched it for about 2 weeks. Seriously. Haha! Most people I know that have it seem to be pleased with it. My original argument against it was the fact that I enjoy having an actual book in my hand. I like seeing how far I've gone and how far I have left to go. However, I also like to carry whatever book I'm reading in my purse. This isn't usually a big deal except that now I'm reading a 735 page book. Try carrying THAT in your purse!! It's not fun...except that I get a good workout where ever I take my purse. It'd be much easier to pull out a 7 inch, 12 ounce eReader. The books are usually cheaper, too. I am pretty sure I want one, but I don't want to completely do away with the actual printed book. 

Any opinions?

Take a look at the Nook!

This has made my life a little happier!

Bippity boo.

Well, here I am again. Ready to update you on my life. Nothing too exciting has happened. 

I'm changing departments at work. I'm going from working in the warehouse to working at customer service. boo. My least favorite part of all of this...is having to wear khaki pants again. I just went to The Gap and found a nice pair of dress khaki pants. The best part of that is that fact that they were normally $59.50 and I paid $22.77 (including tax)! Unfortunately though, I am very picky with I wear and have decided I do not have any shoes to wear with them, so that is my next search. 

But enough about boring you with that...

Hey! If you ever wanna feel absolutely horrible about your own body, go shopping for bathing suits on Victoria's Secret's website! I just made that mistake.

But while we're on the subject...

I've been trying to get toned and in shape again. The problem with that is that I just want it to happen...I don't really wanna work at it. Haha! The hardest part of it is learning to eat healthier. I think if I ate healthier then I would feel better about myself and be more energized to go to the gym. Ragh. Today is not the best day to be updating. I'm clearly not in a happy talking mood. 

On to things bigger than me and much more depressing!

That is a picture of a wave in the Gulf of Mexico. I think it's finally hit me just how bad it is. It kills me. I understand things happen, but it's ridiculous how lazy people are. For whatever reason, people --seemingly especially Americans--think that things won't happen to them, hence why no one was prepared for this. But why?! Because of the carelessness surrounding this, there will be helpless wildlife killed, families vacations ruined, and the beauty of our beaches lost. You would think that people would get their crap together and realize that America is not above being attacked by natural or man-inflicted (or influenced) disasters. Hurricane Katrina is another example of this. Crap's gonna happen. When will we learn to be prepared in the best way possible. I've seen on the news that the "plan" for such an event as the spill has just kinda been "shared" by everyone. It refers to saving the walruses, which is great! I'd hate for the walruses in the gulf to become extinct! They're also reporting that the guy that made the plan has been dead for five years. Personally, this isn't relevant to me. It shouldn't all fall back on one guy. It's ridiculous. Don't get me wrong, I love my country, but I just wish some Americans would quit thinking we're invincible and start realizing that crap is going to happen, yes, even to us.

I've got nothing else. 

But I love you all!

(hopefully it won't be another 3 months before I update again!)

UPDATE!

Well, I didn't get the job that I was looking to get. I wasn't upset about not getting it...I was upset about how it was handled, but I'm a big girl (which apparently some people don't see and try to belittle me...) and took it. Haha! So I'm still in the warehouse, which is fine, but I might be looking for a second job this summer or something. I just need MONEY! 

I'm also sleepy and in class, and am going to go pay attention now. Thank you and goodbye.

It's a season for change...

Well, I don't have pictures to show of my lighter hair, but I've gotten good feedback on it. I don't think it's quite that noticeable since not too many people have commented on it, but the people who have seen it and noticed thinks it looks good and very summery! :) She didn't do what I was expecting her to do, but I like it either way. Basically, I just got a lot of thin blonde highlights, so it lightens all of it up. 

I also impulsively applied for another position at work. Currently I work in the warehouse as a Merchandising Specialist. I basically re-price things for the ad on Sundays and I unload trucks on Wednesdays and every other days I would put out product or sort through all the CDs and DVDs and video games and make sure they were priced correctly and placed in the correct spot. It is tedious work, but I love it. So I guess that's why it surprised people that I applied for this other position (which will mostly be selling aircards for Best Buy Mobile). However, I just need a change. I need more hours. I need more money (which more hours will give me). So... I applied. I interviewed for it today and I'll find out tomorrow whether or not I got it. I won't be upset if I don't, like I said I'm happy where I am, but I need to get more money somehow. 

And I'm definitely watching a CSI episode with Taylor Swift on it. Weird. 

These are a few of my favorite things...

It has been far too long since I last posted, and I apologize. I have been beyond busy, but will hopefully make the longest post of my life to get everyone updated.

The remainder of my week in North Carolina was wonderful. I truly hated to leave. I have a feeling that I will always feel a part of me is missing with Ashley living so far away. I'm happy for her, though. She has a great life going for her there. While I was there she got a new BIG GIRL job! Congratulations, Ashley! I couldn't be happier about it or about being there during the process of the whole thing. I felt it was a huge deal for her and I was ecstatic to be apart of it. :) Of course, I cried my eyes out when I had to come home. I'm trying to build a good life here for myself, but it's hard when your best friends live so far away. :( 

Coming back meant getting back into school and dealing with everything that comes with it. I am having a difficult time staying focused this semester. I feel like I have been in school for so long. I would love nothing more than to take a semester or so off, but I know if I did that I wouldn't come back. It's just really difficult for me to keep my eye on the main goal. I just wish they'd give me my diploma and certification and let me move on with my life. I get like this sometimes...usually in the spring semester when I'm longing for summer and I forget why I have to go to school in the first place. I am constantly trying to plan out classes to see when I will be done, sadly it all comes out to December 2012, so I guess I'll have to deal with that and get over my laziness and desire to do nothing. Haha! Just kidding. I'm just ready to close this chapter and move on to something bigger and better...like a REAL job and a Masters degree!! :D

On the school note, I'm now the executive editor of UNA's yearbook. I haven't done much with it so far, but I am excited about it.  I think Christopher has taught me well and I'll be able to handle it (plus it pays for school), I'm just afraid that my desire to get out of school will leak over into that responsibility. Surely it won't. I think I can hold my own and be a big girl! Haha!

Yesterday was the Walk for Autism. There weren't too many people there, but it was a lot of fun! We raised a lot of money for the Autism Society of Alabama, and therefore it was worth my time. :) I hope to get involved with the Special Olympics or doing some kind of volunteer work to work with disabled children. If anyone knows any information on how to do that, let me know. K? Thanks.

Todayyyy is Easter! Wes and I went to church at home and he got to meet the whole family (meaning Daddy, Lynn, Jordan, Kim, Rodney, the boys, and Rachel). It went extremely well. Everyone liked him, and he liked everyone. :) Daddy and him are going to play golf eventually. Haha! I'm glad they liked each other, though. I think he might be around for awhile. :) We've almost dated for 11 months now! eek!! 

Tomorrow is Ella's 1st birthday!!! I believe it's Furby's, too. I'm happy and excited for her, but my sweet baby is growing up. :( I think I'm going to go get her some treats tomorrow to celebrate. I doubt she'll have any idea what's going on, though. She was at Momma's today and apparently was bitten by a spider or something and has a big blood red spot on her tummy. Momma's puppy, Ally, had the same thing after being in that crate. I'm gonna squash that bug for hurting my baby. Jerk.

I have a test Tuesday morning and work tomorrow morning at 6 AM, and then a hair appointment at 2:30...when I will be dying my hair lighter. AH! I'm excited, but superrrr nervous. I'll post a picture or two when I do it. 

Stay tuned, folks!!

Vacay!!

I am now in Wake Forest, North Carolina with Ashley and Chris and FURRBBBS. We've spent the past few days in Myrtle Beach, but arrived back at their house for the remainder of my stay. Their townhouse is adorable! It seems perfect for their situation (newlyweds with no kids and just enough furniture to fill it all!) Ashley is getting ready for her second interview, Chris is playing Mario on the Wii, and Ferrbbsss is sleeping in the crate. Things are good for now.

On today's agenda:
1. Ashley's interview
2. A mall, but I'm unsure of which one
3. Alice in Wonderland in 3D

That's all that I know of for now!

I'd love a shower and a nap, but probably not in that order.

I...

got a team together at Best Buy.

am leaving for New York in less than 24 hours.

have not packed yet.

am going to end up spending a lot of money today.

am losing my mind.

need to go take a shower.

am going to go take a shower.

am done.

WALK FOR AUTISM 2010. 

I am going to work at 2 today. I'm going to try to get a team together there to participate in this. IF we get 10 people to participate, then Best Buy will donate $1000. So, hopefully I can get enough people to dedicate a few hours of their Saturday to this. The money raised goes to autistic children to go to camp and pay for other medical expenses. Insurance doesn't pay for a lot of the care autistic children need, so events like this are very important. 

I'll update more when I find out if I have a team or not. :)

big love

thank you, kurt halsey. :)

i will say that today has been a good day. 

i will attempt to summarize briefly the last (almost) year:

the apartment is wonderful.

i have completed my first year of yearbook. 

i have changed my major to secondary education and language arts/english.

i have gotten into the college of education.

my sister is married and in north carolina.

i have a puppy named ella who is currently in my lap. :) 

i have broken up and moved on.

i have a perfectly wonderful boyfriend that thinks it's funny that i blog. :)

i switched to verizon!

that pretty much sums up the past yearish of my life.

in more recent news:

i have a cold. achoo! (bless me.)

tonight is date night.

i am interviewing a week from today for executive editor.

i have been working out and running! 

i am actually planning to walk in Walk for Autism 2010. :)

i am leaving for new york in less than 2 weeks. :D

i am leaving for north carolina in less that 3 weeks!! :D :D

i am still reading pride and prejudice after like 3 months of trying to finish it.

i am sleepy.

i just wanted to briefly update where i am and what i am doing since it has almost been a year since i updated. i hope it was enjoyable. :)

i think i'm going to take a nap now. merry tuesday to all and to all a good night!

under construction.

As the title implies, this whole blog in general is under construction. I'm not sure I like these colors and what not, but I don't have a lot of time to fool with it at this moment seeing that it is 1.:38 and I have class at 2! So work with me here, and give me feedback (or not...since I don't have any followers except Kelli, but I don't think she actually reads this). 

My hope is to get back into this habit whether I have readers or not. I think blogging is a great way to get out feelings, share opinions, rant, share news, and really practice writing in general, and maybe even get a few readers along the way. As I always say, once a blogger, always a blogger... and truly I never say that. I also hope to perhaps more easily let my sister know what the heck I'm up to since she decided to move 20,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 feet away from me. 

But alas, I must now depart to class. 

Wish me luck. I have had a highly productive day thus far!